Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
