my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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