Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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