the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm like, not good at living.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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