Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
