Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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