glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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