My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Randomize
