I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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