I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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