Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
