Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Randomize
