Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
