Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
