He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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