pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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