Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
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