Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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