I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
