Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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