It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
