she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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