I want to have your abortion
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize