Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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