Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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