Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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