Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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