Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
