We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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