So drunk its hurt
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
