When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The Olympian is in my bed
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
