Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
