So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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