wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
