My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
