a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
