she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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