I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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