Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
