I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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