shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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