I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
