Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
