My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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