I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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