at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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