dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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