Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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