Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
