So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
