Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
