Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
