New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
