Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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