I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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