I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
