I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
