I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i dont even know how to be here
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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