So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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