Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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