I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
