Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
