I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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