Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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