my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
