come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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